Suburban dangers

The things they said would kill you turn out to be mosty bupkes.

Growing up in 1990s Pax Americana Suburbia was harder knocks than you might think. It turns out, the post-war synthesis of total environment control for the few — at the expense of the environments of billions of others — was full of danger.

Fortunately, for just a small fee an array of products and services were available to protect you from these lurking threats. Your existence in insulated comfort was thus assured!

But this presented a paradox of panic: For every higher level of comfort unlocked would bring increased risk of losing it, requiring subsequent layers of modestly priced protection.

Some might see that as a problem; others, the solution. The truth, though, is it’s both.

The anxiety trap you find yourself in — that’s the trap of freedom. To remind you of its preciousness, and the perilous plane on which it subsists, a constant stream of news-adjacent infotainment was always on hand, offering the perfect symbiosis between the proceeds of the sales of the solutions paying for …