ConWatch: Week 1,805
Does Germany have a constitution yet?
Editor’s note: The Bupkes is humbled by the outpouring of grief, anger, confusion, and sense of loss that we received from our loyal readership in reaction to the absence of a ConWatch: Week 1,804 last week. Frankly, we are also a little disappointed. Like, don’t you have better things to do than wait around to find out from us if Germany finally got a constitution this week? Sad.
The absence of ConWatch: Week 1,804 last week was due to a fact-finding trip that The Bupkes carried out in the interest of searching for Germany’s constitution. We are both pleased and nonplussed to report that we found none.
It turns out there may be fates worse than Joe Chialo. We know; we were surprised, too.
The CDU’s Magical Negro looked poised for a promotion, from wrecking just Berlin’s cultural institutions to the entire country’s. As the guy who came real close to undermining artistic freedom in the service of ethno-national supremacy dressed up as revisionist againgoodmaking, he would have been a perfect fit for the Goebbels ersatzpost.
Perfect, but by no means unique, as distinguished and highly qualified propagandists of the Teutonic Imaginary abound in Germany. The not-quite-cabinet-level position of federal culture and media commissioner is going instead to the Krautier named Wolfram Weimer. You know he’s the man for the job, as only someone with a right-wing manifesto that ruminates over the demographic imperative to perpetuate “one's own blood” and laments the “biological self-abandonment” of Europe could be.
With Germany seemingly stuck in a Sarrazin doom loop, poor Joe Chialo has resigned altogether — officially, in protest over the massive funding cuts coming to Berlin’s culture sector, which he was for before he was against, and certainly not at all to do with his Porsche driving habits.
Don’t feel too bad for Joe, though. Without a PhD to have cheated on, he’ll surely get another shot at making his kapo forefathers proud — at least one of whom was the Fritz Haber of German East Africa. The Bupkes looks forward to his political comeback built on the commercial success of a forthcoming memoir, tentatively titled “Mein (sogenannter) Kampf: Life as ‘ambivalence personified.’”
Until then, German culture may go kaput, but at least the country’s flavored toothpick industry is booming.
The ones we should really pour one out for are the some 12 million German citizens who were made terrorists this week and, as such, will now have to be deported. Fair’s fair, after all — even if there is no constitution to say so.